I pray that you will continue to watch over me as I travel through this journey of grief. When my heart is consumed with pain and my eyes are cloudy with tears Father I pray that you will comfort me and dry my weeping eyes. Father I pray that you will be my guide when I feel lost along the way and that you will be my dearest friend on all the lonely days. Hold my hand precious Lord and never let it go. Lift my spirits and bring me joy during the times I’m feeling low. Help me to see that you Father God know what’s best for me and in due time I’ll understand why this had to be.
Do you ever feel discouraged? One day you are full of hope and enthusiasm for the future and the next day you wake up and you’re not so sure any more. It feels like you are on an emotional rollercoaster. You just can’t seem to get a grip on your feelings and you began to believe that you are taking steps backwards on your grief journey instead of moving forward.
I can relate to that seesaw feeling. One day you’re up and the next day you’re down but I am realizing that these feelings are normal and that it’s ok. I can go days sometimes weeks without being emotional and crying and then all of a sudden here it comes. I am back to the drawing board feeling those same feelings all over again. I’m becoming more conscious of these periods in time and understanding that it’s a period of release. During these times, I’m releasing my pain of loss. I’m releasing any negative feelings and emotions that accompanies the loss.
God affirms to me that I’m not taking steps backwards and that the more I release, I am actually taking the proper steps towards moving forward. That I am moving in the right direction towards healing and letting go. To be honest I genuinely feel so much better once I’ve done that; however, it’s very draining but I pray for God to give me strength and courage to take the next steps in the healing process. I have to remind myself that God is my refuge and strength. He is my very present help in times of trouble. (Psalm 46:1) I am encouraged that blessed are those who weep now for we shall laugh again. (Luke 6:21) So for every time I become discouraged on this journey of grief, I’ll just continue to remember the promises of the Lord. I’ll tie them around my neck and write them on the tablet of my heart.
To recover means to return to a normal state of health, mind or strength. It’s rehabilitating, recuperating and healing from something major that has occurred in your life or body. Someone who has went through an intense surgery requires intense recovery.
When a person has knee surgery or a total knee replacement the pain after surgery is usually worse than it was before they went in, according to research. The knee is in shock and has been traumatized from the event; that is why there is alot of swelling, redness and fever in the traumatized area. Infection is another symptom that could occur after knee surgery due to exposure of the open wound. Many individuals will have to go through profound physical therapy and a thorough recovery process so that the knee can heal which will allow them to resume their normal daily activities.
When I read about the process a person goes through after having such a sugery, I thought about the healing and recovery process I am going through as well. I’m made-aware of the trauma my heart, mind and spirit has endured after losing both of my parents in a matter of two years. They were two of the most important people in my life. This journey of grief has been extreme and the healing and recovery process has been even more. I am undergoing an intense therapy with God and it has not been easy. Just like the knee surgery patient who is learning to walk again, each step that I take towards recovery, each step that I take towards healing and letting go is painful. It hurts but I know that if I want to get better, I have to give it all that I got. I’m learning to let it all go. I realize that I will never be the same again so I am rediscovering this new person that I am becoming. I’m learning to live life without them by embracing my new beginning and adapting to my new reality one day at a time.