Accepting It

It was hard to accept that my dad was gone. I just could not believe that he had left me. Every emotion that one could feel I felt. I was angry, hurt and afraid. I felt guilty and often questioned myself. Why didn’t you notice anything differently? You should have paid more attention to him! So many thoughts raced through my mind. And the scariest part of it all was that I had no answers. I worried all the time. Can somebody say severe anxiety? I could not eat or sleep. There were days when I couldn’t even get out bed, now that’s depression 101. It took everything in me to get up and get started with my day. It was hard to smile and to be truly happy when daddy’s girl was without her dad. How can I move on from this? What’s next for my family and me? There was an emptiness in my heart that I thought during this time could never be filled again. I felt so lost and so alone. Although I had my wonderful husband and my awesome big boys by my side, they still could not take daddy’s place. My mother is lovely and our relationship is a story all by itself but guess what? She could not help me either. She had lost the only man that she had ever loved and she was grieving too. My brother was also grieving and we tried to help each other but it didn’t work out too good. He needed his time and I needed mine. We all had to deal this in our own way. It was a lot for all of us. Eventually someone special took notice in all my pain. Someone on the outside of our circle. Someone who understood what I was going through. I call her my grief counsel and spiritual mentor wrapped up in one. She reintroduced me to someone and something bigger than you and me. That’s when true healing and change began!!

Where’s My Daddy? Pt. 1

It was a cold but yet beautiful sunny day. It was Christmas Eve. Every one was so excited. After all the holidays always bring laughter and good cheer. I slowly climbed out of bed because although it was Christmas Eve and I still had last minute shopping to get done, I also had an obligation to my job. Yep! That’s right, it was a work a day. I dreaded the thought of having to go. Maybe because it was the holiday season and I would have rather been home with my family but I dragged myself in. There I was working on Christmas Eve anxious for the end of my shift so that I could return back home. I found the energy to get the job done and boy was I working. You couldn’t stop me! I was moving and grooving and then it happened. The phone call that I will remember for the rest of my life. I will never forget that feeling I felt when I heard my husband’s voice on the other end. Kitta come quick! Your dad’s not breathing! What? Are you serious? I’m on my way! I rushed out of their like a lighting bolt. I felt as though something was driving around and around in my stomache. I could not stop shaking. I was in such a panic. How could this be? What happened? There were so many questions going through my mind. When I arrived at mom and dad’s house, there he was. Just lying there lifeless. The emergency responders did all that  they could but it just wasn’t enough. And that was it. He was gone. The man that was my everything was no more. How could he leave me? Why didn’t he tell me? Lord help me please!!!

What is a daddy’s girl?

A daddy’s girl is a female who has a strong bond with her father. Some people may confuse a daddy’s girl with being spoiled and behaving like a brat because she can always go to her dad to get whatever she want whenever she want it. A daddy’s girl view her father as her bestfriend, her mentor her everything. He has a special nickname just for her that only he calls her. They love each other deeply and disagree even deeper; however, they find a way to make up with each other because somewhere down on the inside they realize that they both had a valid point and the whole reason they were disagreeing to begin with is because they are both so much alike. Daddy’s girl and her father talk to each other about everything and he’s always there to pick up the pieces of her broken heart. In her eyes no one has her back like daddy. He encourage her with his words of wisdom so that she’s prepared for this thing called life. Even when a daddy’s girl becomes a married woman she still relies on daddy even over her own husband. Ask me how I know, that daddy’s girl was me!!!!

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