The Healthcare Blues

1a725c38f775528497152cc2a8cb7631This pandemic has not been very fun at all. I’m sure there are others who would agree. It has actually been very draining and exhausting for me. I’ve been working through the whole thing. You guessed it! I am an essential worker. Oh! Here’s the catch, I am a healthcare worker. Yep! I work in Hospice Care (end of life care). I provide personal care to those who has been diagnosed with a terminal illness. I not only help with their personal care, I also along with other members of my hospice team, provide emotional and spiritual support to the patient and their families during this difficult time. God is such a comedian, right? Why would he place me, a grieving daughter, in a position where I would have to help people at their end of life. My heart laughs when I think of how funny God is. He really does have a sense of humor. Like really God lol 27050e7d042e50dca81ea47f017826f0 There has been several of times on my journey of grief and healing that I didn’t think that I would be able to work in the healthcare field anymore. I wanted out! I love the healthcare field but after the loss of my parents, I really contemplated a career change. I’ve been in healthcare for 15 years but my heart was so overwhelmed that I was ready to walk away. Now a pandemic! What is going on?! Lord please help me! I think I have the healthcare blues.

623_1_4_nursinghome_thinkstock     With God we’ll get through this together!       GettyImages-145083639web-56ce05405f9b5879cc5c3525

What’s The Difference?

I’ve been struggling with the concepts of moving forward and moving on. What’s the difference? Is it possible to move on from a traumatic event, a heart break or disappointment. After spending much time in the presence of God I realize that there is a difference and moving forward and moving on are both possible. After gaining clarity and understanding I realized that I had physically began to move forward after the loss of my mom, after the heartbreak and the hurt. I dug deeper into my relationship with God and became more active in my church. I recognized the gifts that God had placed within me and I began to use them; however, something still did not feel right. I still was not at peace. There was something that was still troubling me and I could not figure out what . It wasn’t long after all of the pondering and praying that God revealed to me that I had not moved on. Yes , there is a difference! My heart was still in the same place. My heart was still stuck in January of 2019 and here’s the big one, my heart was still holding on to mama. I wanted to let go and move one but I didn’t know how. How can you just let go of someone that you’ve loved and helped and taken care of for so long. I guess we can sometimes be loyal to a fault. I guess I felt that if I let go I would of have been letting mama down. I guess I believed that if I let go I would be alone and the fear of being abandoned was too much to bare. I prayed for God to supernaturally intercede on my behalf and to help me to let go. I give her back to you God and I’m sorry for trying to holding on to something that did not belong to me . You loaned her to me but she was never really mine. Thank you Lord for letting me borrow her for 35 years. She was the best mom a girl could have but now I must let her go. I give my heart permission to smile again and I give my heart permission to really be happy again. You can be free now mama because I’m moving on. There is a difference and I’m choosing both!

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