I’ve come a long way on my journey of grief. I’ve experienced every emotion I believe the human body can feel. I was angry. I was sad and heartbroken. I was disappointed. I felt guilty, ashamed and embarrassed. Everyone knew my struggle and everyone knew I was in pain. I’ve felt anxiety and went through a very depressive period. My heart was so fearful that I couldn’t sleep most nights. My mind was flooded with thoughts but the one thought that I’ve been pondering recently is that I am really on my own now. I don’t have that parental guidance to inform me when I’m making a mistake or to ensure me that I’m making the right decision. I don’t have that parental guidance to praise me when I’ve done something good or to verbally reprimand me when I haven’t been. I’m really on my own now. I’m learning to pay my bills on my own and on time without being reminded by my mom. I’m learning to prioritize my needs over my wants and to put my family first. I’m learning what it’s like to really be a woman now and how to stand on my own two feet.
When I think of this experience at this point in my journey, I think of the baby bird when it’s time to leave the nest. The parents of the birds prepare them as soon as possible to be ready for that day. The day when it’s time to fly on their own. The day when it’s time to leave the nest. This transitional time for the baby birds is called nestling. Research states that this is a very dangerous time for them because leaving the nest too early or too late could really hurt them. They are now beginning to make their own decisions and their moving about on their own. They have to find their own food now, etc…
I would like to think that God has pushed me out of the nest. I may have stayed in it too long. Although I am a married woman with children, I was still in the nest. I still depended on my parents for almost everything. I would consult them verses consulting my husband first as a married woman should. If I spilled milk I was still looking for them to clean it up; but God is saying now it’s time for me to be just like that baby bird. It’s time to spread my wings and fly. Letting go is fearful and just the thought of being out of the nest is scary but God reminds me that he’ll be there to lead and guide me every step of the way and that he is my wise counsel. So I surrender Lord to your will. You can have your way in my life. I’m starting to fly, please don’t let me fall!
Philippians 3:13-14 Brethen, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.