I’ve been praying fervently for God to help me accept the loss of my mom and for him to help me let go. As I do that I notice that I become more afraid and anxious. Why am I so afraid and why has the anxiety intensified? What is this feeling and why is this happening? I discovered that I may be suffering from separation anxiety. What is that? Separation anxiety is provoked in young children and some adults who are separated or threatened to be separated from someone or something they love. WOW!! I stand in awe as God reveals to me what I have been experiencing. I stand in awe as he answers my prayers and helps me understand this journey of grief.
I began to realize that as I am accepting it and letting go more each day that it’s very frightening and terrifying. Who will I vent to now? Who will be my emotional support? She was the one person I trusted in this world. The one person I knew would have my back no matter what. She fed me through the umblical cord while I was still developing in the womb. She nourished me and nurtured me. Yes, it’s true. I have my husband and my children, family and friends but their is noone like her. She was my bestfriend. My shield of protection from this cold and cruel world. She was my comfort when I would get upset with my husband. She was my Golden Girl but now I have to let her go. I just have to so that I can move forward with my life.
I feel ok with doing that now. God points out that he is committed to me. He emphasizes that I am never alone. He reassures me that he is always with me. He wants to fill the void in my heart. He wants to be my friend, my protector and my comforter. So I say YES. God help me to open my heart again to recieve all the love that you have for me. Help me to trust you more and restore my faith. Always remind that you are right here and that I have no reason to fear. God helps me to see that although my mom and I are physically apart that she still lives inside of me with all the valuable things that she has taught me throughout the years and with all the special memories that I hold dear.